Letting Go: Embracing Surrender In Times Of Chaos
It’s fall, which means all over social media this quote resurfaces- "The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go." I enjoy the yearly reminder because I have a problem with control. I like plans and structure; I don’t like the unknown. Instead of risking the freefall, I grip the branch with both hands, calculating the exact landing position before letting go. But I can’t control everything; the wind picks up and blows me off course, which is what happened this month.
Everything began shifting- work, finances, family life, and I lost all sense of control. Instead of letting go and trusting it will work out, I immediately clenched my grip. My brain went into hyperdrive, calculating plans, analyzing possible solutions until I was exhausted.
One of our major stressors has been medical bills with over $25,000 due. For a year, I have been calling our HealthShare monthly to see when payment will be sent. Monthly I received the same answer- “There is no estimated time for payment”. With threats from our medical provider to send the bills to collections, my hope for having the bills paid for faded each month. We made the decision, if the bills were not paid by the end of the year we would start paying them ourselves.
With everything feeling chaotic and out of control I decided I had had enough. My way of worrying and trying to find solutions wasn’t working. I needed to relinquish control and trust God. So, I decided to pray the Surrender Novena for the first time. The words of the Surrender Novena were revealed by Jesus to Father Dolindo Ruotolo, a Neopilitan priest who is in the process of becoming a saint. The Novena is a 9 day prayer, focusing on complete surrender to God, letting go of control, planning, or worrying about the problem, and leaving it up to Him. The words “O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!” are repeated 10x at the end of each day. I also used this anytime my mind started to spin plans and worry crept back in. After saying it I would feel a sense of relief knowing I don’t have to figure it out.
On Day 9 of the Surrender Novena, I made my monthly phone call to our HealthShare, expecting to hear the same response “There is no estimated time for payment”. Instead, I was told payment had been sent! I was shocked, I felt the weight lifted from me. I had been stressing, carrying this around with me for a year. As soon as I decided I didn’t need to stress about it and gave it to God, He took care of it.
Through completing the Surrender Novena I was reminded that God wants to and will work miracles in my life. But, I have to be willing to let go of control so He can take over. Even though letting go of the branch and freefalling is terrifying, God will help me land safely wherever He wants me to be.
What ways do you need to loosen your grip and let God take over?