The Sky-High Social Experiment: From Intimidating to Inviting
“Friendly” has never been an adjective used to describe me. Intimidating or RBF (Resting B***** Face) on the other hand, many times. I’ve been ok with that until now, because it kept away unwanted attention. But, as I age I realize the need to connect and be an example of Christ; and appearing intimidating doesn’t bring people in.
I heard an anecdote that if you don’t like the words people use to describe your demeanor it’s your own fault. How your face appears to others is something you can control. You can’t control how others interpret it, but typically smiling at people when you meet them doesn’t come off as intimidating.
I knew I would be flying a lot this year between work and personal life, so I decided to challenge myself and do a social experiment. The rules were simple, every time I flew the only form of entertainment I brought was a physical book. The book was not brought out until the plane reached altitude.
I did this for 3 reasons.
To see how many people would start talking if the person sitting next to them wasn’t distracted by technology.
To change my “Do not talk to me” vibe of headphones in with a poker face, to being approachable and dare I say it “friendly”, to grow in communication skills.
To force myself to slow down. Take back my time to rest, read, think, pray, anything other than numbing with technology.
I was delightfully surprised by the results. Of 8 plane rides, over half of the people engaged in conversation. Through the experiment I learned a few things.
People want to connect
The world is consumed with online engagement, yet we are disconnected. We crave connection, even with a stranger for a few hours, but we have to leave room for it to happen. As I boarded the planes, some people I sat next to already had headphones in, but, as they saw me sit there with no form of distraction, the headphones came out and they engaged in conversation.
Connecting will happen if you are open to it
In a decade I only had 2 interactions on planes, both elderly individuals. Neither cared about my icy exterior and talked their way in. In 4 months I tripled my plane conversations by being open to connecting. Adjusting my facial expression, body language, and allowing space for others to interact. Out of all the conversations, I only initiated one.
People are interesting
I learned a substantial amount about and from the people I sat next to that I could write multiple posts on what was shared. But, what stood out to me, was the willingness people had to share about themselves. From a Hurling World Championship player to a female world traveler, each individual shared what makes them unique.
God works through you
Through my travels I was able to ease the anxiety of a man coming to ND in the middle of winter, share in someone's alcoholism recovery journey, and help a traveler catch their next flight. Everyday, everywhere we have the opportunity to be Christ for others, sharing hope and love, all we have to do is be open to it.
Through my social experiment, I ventured beyond my intimidating demeanor to stretch myself and try something new. It taught me valuable lessons: that people yearn for connection, openness invites others in, and everyone has fascinating stories to share. As I continue my journey of face reformation, I am reminded that God's presence shines through us, allowing us to be beacons of hope and love in the world.
How will you challenge yourself this month to connect with someone?